4 Months and our 1st Wedding Anniversary

Kora will be 4 Months on the 5th! She chews on everything, blows raspberries all day, is super chatty, smiles all the time, rolls from front to back and back to front, loves to stand up (with help of course), enjoys looking at herself in the mirror, sleeps like a champ (usually at least 6 hours straight), loves to suck on her elephants nose, and loves to be in her carriers. She is our pride and joy. I am so glad to have her as our little buddy! 

We spent the weekend celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary! It's been a very fun filled emotional weekend. We decided to spend most of our time going to places and doing things that we did when we first started dating (or going to places that were special for us). We reminisced about our past adventures. My favorite is the how we met story which you can find here, but when we talked about it this weekend I kept joking about how he tried to kiss me when we first danced together. I asked him if he tried to kiss all the girls he danced with :P but if you have been following my blog for a while you may already know that never actually kissed until months later. We went to our old favorite take out place in Redmond Sunny Teriyaki; went to an amazing brunch at Portage Bay Cafe (we had eaten there on new years eve a few years back); went to our ice cream spot in Kirkland (that we go to every year); we went to the fortune cookie factory (where we bought our wedding fortune cookies); and a bunch of other places most of which are silly and just remind us of fun times we had together.

2013 Kirkland getting ice cream together 2014 same place about a year apart

2015 Kirkland getting ice cream at the same place now with Kora

We are currently planning out our Iceland trip for the end of October, it will be Robert's Birthday/1st wedding anniversary trip! We are also waiting on news to see if we will be going to Japan in November. Still no news on our house yet but our life is just so so busy lately! Roberts older brother gets married next weekend and we leave for my family reunion in McCall, Id on the 13th! Our plan is to leave from Idaho and make our way to San Diego! Time is just flying by and we are having a hard time keeping up!

3 Months

Blogging has fallen to the way side recently. I had the 2 month post sitting in the cue forever just waiting for pictures...and now shes already 3 and a half months old, time is just flying by. Things have been a bit crazy around here for us. We promised each other before we had Kora that we wouldn't let having a baby quell our (mostly my) thirst for travel. We went to Vancouver BC, the beer festival in redmond, stayed at my dad's house in Sammamish for the 4th of July weekend, went to Westport and lots of other small travels between. Through all of the craziness we lost Roberts Grandfather a week ago, and did our best to stay in Seattle as much as possible during that time (Sadly we couldn't make the trip to the Philippines with the family). We have constantly been going, going, going...  Some other big news, we put on offer on a house on the other side of Bremerton, we absolutely love it and hopefully everything will work out! The plan is to be moved in by the time we are back from San Diego! Speaking of San Diego we leave in less than a month! I am a mix of excited and apprehensive. Things are always up in the air, we still do not know which apartments we will be in while we are there and or the exact date we will be home...but like always we just roll with the punches. 

Her sleeping has been amazing lately, she usually sleeps between 6-9 hours straight! I never count on the sleep which makes the rough nights easier. I have read so many things about sleep and babies, I finally just gave up...my philosophy is she is growing and changing everyday, some days her body will ache or she will just be more fussy, and trying to force her to sleep or cry alone doesn't change the fact that she is feeling uncomfortable and wants comfort. I will feed her when she is hungry and snuggle her when she needs it; so far she sleeps like a champ and I wouldn't change a thing. We do our nightly bedtime routine wherever we may be and if she isn't in bed by 8 (either because we are not at home or because she is awake) then o well.  She is flexible and so are we.

I remember my sister telling me how sad she was when she couldn't find the videos of her baby when she was small and that got me thinking about how important it was to take small clips of Kora. I try to shoot a few video clips regularly to capture the silly things she does and her little nuances. They change all the time, and even going back and watching the videos of her crying when she was a few days old make my heart smiley.  She currently rolls from both back to front and front to back! She has a sound or "word" that she makes when she is hungry (it is "neh"). She smiles all the time, blows bubbles, tracks us with her eyes and head, bites so hard.....drools like crazy, has found her hands, and chats all the time. She loves being in her carriers and currently thinks her name is beanie...lol (that would be our fault for always calling her that..) 

Here are some random pictures from our adventures!

feet :D

Lynn Canyon in Vancouver BC

Beanies 2nd Mariners game

One of my favorite Photos of Robert's mom, (she rarely smiles in photos) even though this day was incredibly difficult her smile was so radiant!

2 months

It feels like a lifetime with her and it has only been 2 months. She has grown so much in the past 60 days. Her smile melts me. Although its tough always having a human attached to my boob and constantly needing me, it is so so fulfilling. I was really worried about the whole postpartum depression and although I've had bouts of weird sadness, overall I feel great.
I struggled at the beginning with letting others hold her (I still do a little), I guess you could call it first time mommy syndrome. I cringe thinking about germy hands or I have crazy thoughts of someone accidentally dropping her. I really don't like when she cries---not because it is annoying but because it makes my heart hurt a little. It has gotten a lot easier though, I am more comfortable with others holding her but I am still uncomfortable leaving her alone with others (unless its Robert) for long periods of time. I am so craving just a little bit of time though, just so I can go on a motorcycle ride with Robert. Robert seems to be loving the daddy life; he gets so excited to come home and play with her. I think he mostly loves putting her to sleep so he can cuddle with her. He has been working forced over time since he has been back at work--10 hour days 6 days a week. We send him pictures while he works and he always says he loves getting them. Sleep seems to come and go, some nights she does so great I will get a solid 4 hours with a feeding and another solid 3 hours and some nights shes up the entire time. Honestly I don't really miss the sleep I just crave the block sleeping like at least 4 hours at a time, well that an caffeine. Because I breast feed caffeine really effects her so I avoid it at all costs.  Overall though things are great!
We got some news that we would be going to San Diego again, at first we were told it was a longer stay (from July to February). Now they have changed it again so we are expecting August to October (just like last year). We are excited for the little get away but nervous about having our place all alone over here. Here are some photo updates!

Birth Story

Birth story.


The morning of April 4th my midwife came over and gave me herbs to take which would start my labor (the weekend previously we attempted castor oil; I was in prodromal labor for 24 hours and only progressed to 2 cm at which point my midwife gave me another set of herbs to stop the contractions so I could rest). The contractions started around 10am and I was encouraged to walk as much as possible. We were trying to keep my labor on the down low in case nothing happened again, so we went to Fred Meyers and walked and walked, then we walked from our house to Starbucks. The contractions were slowly getting stronger and more consistent by about 3pm they were roughly 5 minutes apart.We texted the midwife to update her. With the consistency of the contractions she really felt like things were progressing more normally and that we would probably have a baby that night. We decided to turn on the movie Interstellar to try and distract me from the pain; when I say distract me from the pain, the actual contracting of my uterus wasn't so bad... but my back was excruciating. After having gone through something similar the weekend before with no progress I was determined this time to do everything to get her out. Robert was helping rub my back and doing his best to keep me comfortable. By 10pm my back pain was becoming unbearable, I was sobbing and puking. My midwife came into the room to check me; after the most painful cervical check of my life she sat down on my bed. She held my hand while I sobbed and said "I'm sorry but you're still 2 cm." She kept reassuring me that I was being so strong but no matter how I continued with the delivery I had worked so hard, that no one would fault me for going to the hospital for relief. As a last ditch effort she suggested I get into the birth tub. Contractions at this point were all but 3 minutes apart, I was doing my best not to be discouraged. My midwife went home and I climbed into the tub, my back pain was immediately soothed.  I was able to breath easily through the contractions. Robert turned on some calming music and we sat in the dim room while I floated in the tub until about 2am. I was exhausted, I climbed out about an hour later and did my best to sleep. I had contractions all night but I was able to get sleep through them. The next morning Robert got up and made pancakes I went upstairs to eat, got through half a pancake when the contractions came back full force. They were stronger than before, my back was so bad, I was shaking and screaming through them. I hurried downstairs to the tub, Robert refilled it, I climbed in and couldn't seem to get any relief. Nothing was comfortable, not even in between contractions. I was screaming for help, I finally looked at Robert and said "Call the midwife and ask her how we get into the hospital, I can't do this anymore". He literally stared at me with this look of 'umm nope, not gonna call' after repeating it over and over again and still getting the same look I yelled "Either you pick up the damn phone and call her or I'm calling the ambulance to come get me" (I may have used a few other choice words...). He reluctantly texted her, this was followed by a phone call and 3 hours later we were leaving for the hospital....(yes 3 hours later...) We got into the car and started driving, my midwife had said that Port Townsend hospital was ready for us. We headed that direction (that hospital is an hour away) with contractions every 3-5 minutes, I screamed through them; half way there we get a call from the midwife, she said that they spoke with the anesthesiologist and they told her they weren't willing to touch my back for an epidural (due to my back problems). My poor husband had to endure another hour of me screaming in the car while we turned around and headed for Saint Joe's in Tacoma, or so we thought...another call came after saying that Saint Joe's was full so we needed to head to Tacoma General. After a long arduous process of trying to get checked in. They finally came in to do the epidural, I did my best to put any thoughts of complications out of my mind. The epidural was simple but while he was putting it in I could tell it was only on the right side of my spine, he tried to adjust but in the end the relief only really came to my right side. About 10 minutes after they administered the epidural my water broke on its own, and about an hour later I was feeling immense pressure and much stronger contractions. I kept mentioning I felt a lot more pressure when the nurse finally checked she was very surprised to find I was already 9 cm. After telling me not to push for any reason until the doctor came in I did my best to just breath through the contractions. My back pain on the left side was getting more and more intense. For most people epidurals make it nearly impossible to move, for me I still had full mobility. I was able to push in the squatting position (almost on all fours), I kept yelling at the doctor not to touch me (he was a saint and allowed me to do it my way), Robert and our midwifes assistant were helping me focus through the contractions. To not tire myself out I would push through one contraction wait a contraction and then push on the next. After pushing for just under an hour the doctor was getting antsy and suggested using the vacuum, we declined and my midwife's assistant looked at me and said you got this curl around her and push through you got it; and when I looked up I remembered 'curl around her' I pushed and Kora was here. She came out right onto the bed. Robert and I were the first to pick her up; we put her on my chest and Robert was able to cut the chord. Holding her was like nothing I could have ever imagined, she looked up at me right away, it's like a love you have never felt before.

I had a supposed tiny 1 stitch tear (however my midwife's assistant later told me they would not have called it a tear and or stitched it), I was able to get up and walk soon after delivering her, had little to no swelling and was able to nurse almost immediately. I later found out that when we were admitted into the hospital my midwife had called the doctor explained the circumstances and he called triage to tell them to say I was 4cm so that they would admit me (when I had arrived I was still only about 2.5cm and 100% effaced). I also was told that I had been the talk of the hospital for awhile after, the doctor was proud to have a delivery like mine and I guess was boasting about it at a midwife conference a week later. I am so so eternally grateful for my patient loving husband, my super wonderful midwife and midwife assistant, the wonderful doctor, and my super kind nurse. My "active" labor was only about 3 hours long. I still thank my lucky stars there were no complications with the epidural and that she came out perfectly; I wouldn't change a thing about my delivery.

Kora Lynn Calixterio was born April 5, 2015 at 6:28pm was 5 lbs. 10 oz. and 19 inches long, she was and is perfect in every way. I still can't believe she's ours.

Here are some photos of laboring and of Kora

2 am laboring at home

2 am laboring at home in the birth tub

at the hopsital soon after she was born

1 day old

2.5 weeks old

Pregnancy

So I have written, and not finished multiple blog posts...and I finally decided to finish this one tonight. It's has been hard to post anything (let alone do anything), half the time I don't have the energy or ability to do the things I love.  I go to write about an exciting event or something fun we did, and I end up feeling slightly cranky with how terrible I felt during each "event". So here is some positive, mixed with maybe just a little negative.

As our little bean grows the pain in my body intensifies, everything I do feels like an extra challenge. I knew pregnancy was going to be hard (especially for me), and I've done my best to fight the pain and stay as positive as possible. The hardest part for me has been staying away from medication that I know could ease my pain, but may be harmful for my baby. It has also been a mental battle being in completely new places, while being almost entirely alone (Robert has been working 6- 10 hr shifts for a few months with an occasional weekend off). While in San Diego it was nice to get out and see some friends, now that we are back in Washington but on the other side of the water, I don't see friends or family as often.   I know many women who have had difficult pregnancies, so I know I am not alone.  Pregnancy can be (and is quite) isolating, no one can feel how you feel. Your body is completely changing and your mental state is all, well...emotional...I feel incredibly beautiful one day and the next I feel like a giant whale. From the 10 times I pee an hour, to the weird hair growth and constant kicking, some days I feel like I just can't take it anymore (luckily the nausea/vomiting is gone).  It is also difficult talk about how horrible you are feeling when you know so many people who have had super easy pregnancies or much harder ones.

We finally did some quick maternity photos. I was told that their were 3 main photos most women take, a day shot, a dusk shot, and a silhouette. Honestly the first 2 were the most difficult for me and they were the only two I shared on Facebook. The last photo the silhouette we took while we were in Vegas and although I feel huge, I feel beautiful (I didn't post that photo on Facebook because I felt it was a little more personal).

Day Photo

Dusk Photo

Silhouette Photo

I think pregnancy is such a combination of "icky beautifulness" and although my pregnancy has been very difficult for me, I have the overwhelming feeling of joy when she moves (even though sometimes its too much), or responds to Robert or I talking to her by her quick jabs. I know a bit of me will miss her little movements and knowing shes all safe and cozy inside my belly. She will be here so soon and we are so so excited. Knowing that I am carrying such a little miracle (as cliche as that sounds), gives me strength I didn't know I had.

I am always so grateful to have Robert by my side, he is truly one in a million and makes every day amazing. He is the sweetest most caring man, and I know he will be an absolutely amazing father. I can't wait to meet our baby girl!

Idaho for Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving this year we surprised my mom and sisters by going to Idaho. It was a bit of an adventure, we flew into Salt Lake City and drove to where my mom lives in Idaho (it was about a 3 hour drive). We got in really late Wednesday night, and woke up early Thanksgiving morning so Rob could go out and meet all of my cousins/uncles for football. The whole trip was full of giggles, food, and me constantly peeing. My mom's family is quite large so there were about 50 people at our thanksgiving chatting and catching up, many of whom had never met Robert. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving lunch. After leaving our lunch, my sisters, brother in-law, niece and Rob and I went to visit our other side of the family. We took a few pictures and sent them to my dad, he was very jealous that he wasn't there with us. After all of that we did a little shopping; yes you read that right shopping....on Thanksgiving...We went quick so we could get back and watch the Seahawks game (which we were recording). We had a hell of a time trying to avoid seeing any scores throughout the mall. We were also stopped a number of times because we were wearing our jerseys (Idaho is mostly a Bronco fan state). Robert and I found a bunch of basic baby clothes for our little girls first year, it was fun picking out things together and to see Roberts face when he found something he really liked for her. We kept up our tradition of a puzzle and scratch tickets, although this year we didn't get to complete the puzzle or scratch our scratch tickets until the evening. My mom and her husband helped Robert and I find one of the only stores open Thanksgiving in her little town so we could buy a puzzle; and my mom's husband bought a round of scratch tickets for all of us "kids" (we each got 4, 1$ tickets). Robert won 3$ and I won 40 bucks!!! It was silly to have everyone join in on our goofy tradition but overall it was a wonderful time.

Rob was out shooting with our brother in-law and my cousins, it was freezing and super windy

I haven't been back to Idaho since my Grandfather passed away, it was an emotional time for knowing that I would be there and he wouldn't be.  We were close, and I miss him a lot. He was always a big supporter for me and the funniest old guy be around. He always had a story to tell and loved going on adventures. I know he would be so proud of where I am now. I also know that he would have loved Robert; its hard to think that he never got to meet him, and will never get to meet my baby girl. I am not the biggest believer in religion but I do believe that he is still present in my life. After struggling for years to conceive I was incredibly anxious and nervous about starting all over, and after months and months of nothing, there was a night while Rob and I were in Hawaii, sitting on the beach, where I was just overcome with emotion that we would find out after our wedding that I was pregnant. (I write this trying my best to not sound weird...) It was like my grandpa was giving me a big hug and whispering "it will be ok, it will happen." After returning from Hawaii I told my older sister about my experience, she told me she too feels his presence in her life. About 3 months later, unknowingly on what would have been my grandfathers birthday, I took the tests and found out I was pregnant. I know he is still rooting for me, where ever he is now. Robert and I went to visit his grave the last day we were there.  It was freezing cold and so so windy but we sat in the grass for a bit, said a few things and made our way back to Salt lake to catch our plane home.

Thanksgiving was great this year and I'm so glad we got to spend it with family.

News, Changes, and a Bit of Drama.

A lot has changed in the past few months, we packed up our 2 bedroom apartment put almost everything in storage and drove down to San Diego for Roberts work. My adventuring personality was eager and nervous all at the same time. We were set to leave about 2 weeks after our wedding, things were approaching fast and finally it was time to head out.

To be honest I thought the change would be easy. I was used to moving around and visiting new places, however this time, things felt different. I was incredibly emotional about the move, and (to my surprise) Robert was incredibly sad to leave our little apartment. For me it was a place of much change, and the first place Robert and I lived together. It was our home and we loved it. It was safe and comfortable, but we were so excited for our new journey.

We left our apartment really late the night of the 15th and drove through the night until we reached portland. We spent 2 hours driving around only to find that all of the hotels were booked. We finally found a place to sleep, and woke up to continue our journey. We spent a night in Sacramento and my good friend Brian's parents house and then drove on to LA, where we spent the night meeting up wtih some of my friends. The entire trip I just felt so strange, I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so off. I chalked it up to the big move and all of the new changes of being married. After finally arriving at our "place" in San Diego, we tried to settle in. Typically this is something I really enjoy doing; exploring all of the new areas, starting a new routine, finding my place in a new location. Again things felt so different, I was so off.

A few days later while Rob was at work and I was in our little place messing around on the computer I kept finding myself standing in the other room trying to figure out what I was doing. I would start doing something and completely forget why I was there or what I was doing. I would be holding my phone in my hand one minute and the next it was gone, I started to feel a little crazy, a little emotional, and a lot less motivated to go explore. That day I decided to take a pregnancy test.---side note--- A very difficult topic for me is fertility and pregnancy. Very few know of the struggles I have faced with fertility, it's a topic that feels almost too taboo to speak about. Infertility and miscarriages leave women feeling alone and helpless and its hard to reach out for support. Having a family is something both Robert and I talked about very early on in our relationship. It was a topic we discussed in great detail, it was something we both were looking forward to, that was whenever my body decided to cooperate with me--- {so back the pregnancy test} While rob was at work I decided to take a test, after so many negative tests from years prior, I told myself it was going to show up as negative. I set the test on the bathroom floor walked out and started doing the dishes. A few minutes later I remembered the test and decided to go look at it, as I looked down at the test and saw the two lines I dropped to my knees and cried; I cried with the biggest smile you can imagine. I was in shock, utter disbelief. I rummaged through the drawer and found 2 other tests, took those sat on the floor and stared at them. My hands were trembling, I was so excited and at the same time so scared. I kept thinking that for some reason the tests were wrong, it couldn't be true. I quickly texted Robert that he needed to come home ASAP and that he needed to call me right away. He wasn't off for another 2 hours, and after realizing that I didn't want to tell him over the phone I quickly calmed down and when he called I nonchalantly said "O it's nothing I will just wait for you to get home." I laid in bed with the test all sitting  next to me just waiting for him to get home. When he walked in I jumped up ran out to see him and handed him all of the tests.
I will never forget his face, he had the biggest smile and just kept saying "Really? Really!?!" followed up with him hugging and kissing me so tight.
The excitement turned into a bit of panic, for days previous I had been experiencing horrible cramping, (the day before our wedding I was in the hospital for a cyst that was on my ovary) we were so afraid that something was wrong. Now, in a new city I found myself sitting at home alone, doubled over in pain, worried about losing a baby we just found out we were having.  Despite our worries, and other small complications that come along with me being pregnant, baby is doing well. After a hospital visit and a few doctors visits, our little tiny bean is growing, has a strong heartbeat, and is so loved already. Things may be a little bit more complicated for my pregnancy, but I am so overjoyed to have such a wonderful, supportive partner to help me through it.